I'm at work, as usual. I went to my cleaning job at 10 this morning, and then straight to RDE. Lots of fun. I honestly don't understand why Graham wants me to work here so badly. I never do anything. It doesn't make sense.

I got my tattoos! Three beautiful paw prints. See?



I love them, as I should, because they aren't coming off any time soon. :)
My birthday was pretty good. I did the morning clean at Pinkenba, then went home and watched Most Haunted and did my Blue Card. After that I was off to Chermside Tattoo where my little brother got our last name and mum's last name tattooed across his chest, and my mum got Snowy from Tin Tin tattooed on her arm, and I got my paw prints. :)
The guys at Chermside Tattoo are funny bastards and always make sure I leave amused. They're also fucking good at what they do. I will always go back to them.

I got some mad presents too. Sebby got me two photo frames with pictures of us at the beach, which I thought was so amazing. Mum and Carrie got me a GPS, which is pretty entertaining; and Chris got me a dashmat for my car. Seb's parents even got me a journal/sketch book, which I've started drawing in for designs for my back tattoo. :)

A pretty good score I reckon. I got  few other things as well, so I'm pretty happy with it.

Rahhh I just drank one of those Betty Baxter meal replacement shakes and they're fucking gross. >.< Don't drink them. Hahaha.

Got to go to work.

x SRM

It's day one of my fast.

My starting weight is 54.9kg.

I want to get to 50kg.

I know it won't happen just during the fast, but a girl can dream can't she??

Wish me luck.

xx

So much has happened, and it's only been a week.

Well, Ash has gone back to England for a few weeks. Lamest shit ever. For me anyway. But i'm a selfish bitch. :[[ I'm left sitting at home every night, with nothing to do! So i've just been visiting Callum and Elliot. I heart my whores.

A heap of people are going to the movies at Chermside tonight for Valentines Day. I think we're going to see Jumper. It should be okay. Elliot has asked me to be his Valentine, which i gratefully accepted. Haha.

So this afternoon i need to do my grocery shopping, go to the bottle shop, drop everything off at home and then go and pick Elliot and Callum up and take them to Chermside. Whew. Busy busy.

I emailed the TAFE today, and was like, "soooo...i've enroled. When do i get my stuff". Dumb TAFE. They're like, "it'll take ten days or so to process it." So i'm still waiting for that. Which i guess is good, as i haven't got a desk yet (i'll have to wait for mum to bring it over) so i haven't set my computer up. I also need to steal AUTOCAD off mum. And Word etc. Because this computer hasn't got any of those on it. Sigh.

I've decided to stay in my apartment for the time being. I like it there, even though i'm getting ripped off. But if i can find someone to rent an apartment with me, then i'll leave. :]]

Okay, i should get back to work.

xx

I still haven't decided on what to do about the cadetship. I've emailed my uncle and asked him to send me some more information. Maybe if i have that it'll help? I don't know. I'm sick of not using my head. I hate the fact that all my job entails is typing and staring at a computer screen. :[[

I'm going to look at an apartment tonight. It's just down the road from where I am now. Come to think of it, I should write down the address. Lol. That might be handy. I haven't actually seen the apartment, as the woman who is renting it out hasn't been able to take any pictures as her camera is broken. So I don't know what to expect. Wish me luck!

xx

What a day and a half.

I heard from my Uncle about the cadetship, and he told me they were interviewing now in two sections of the company. One is for mechanical drafting, and the other is water, as in pipes etc.

I'm leaning more towards water. But i'm not sure on what to do. I've never done drafting before, and if it turns out that i hate it (which i can't see happening, but still!), i don't want to have left this job for a cadetship in it. That would just be so bad. So I have to have a little think about it, but obviously not for too long as they are interviewing now!


Woe is me.

I'm moving again. It turns out that there is a new girl moving into my apartment, which i only just found out about. I haven't met her yet, and Vicki made the decision without me, which i thought was quite rude. I asked Vicki if she could put me on the lease, but she refused. Which pisses me off. I also asked her if, since the new girl is moving in, my rent would go down. Because currently, i'm paying $150/week and the overall rent for the apartment is $250/week. The new girl moving in will be paying $125/week. So therefore, i thought Vicki would lower my rent. But no. She told me that since she is subletting the apartment to me, she is making me pay the going rent of a room that size. Which is fucked, as now Vicki doesn't have to pay any rent, and she's making money off the apartment. What's even worse is the fact that SHE DOESN'T OWN THE APARTMENT, so therefore, she has no right to do this. We're having an inspection on the 12th, and Vicki told me that she'd pretend that she was living in my room, because the Real Estate Agent doesn't know about me.

So i'm over it, and if she wants to be a greedy bitch, i'm leaving. I didn't pay her a bond (as she didn't ask for one. Which is probably why i was so trusting of her), and i'm not on the lease so therefore, i don't have to give her any notice. That's probably the only good thing about the situation. As now i can fuck her over, like she did to me. :]]

I've started looking at apartments already. I'd prefer to move in with a friend or something, but no one will move with me so therefore i'll have to share with someone else. Which is fine. Just as long as i'm on the lease. I don't want to have to move again. I'm fucking sick of moving. I thought i'd be at this place for a while longer but Vicki put an end to that one by being greedy.

Sigh.

So if anyone wants to move out, let me know. But be quick, because i'm not waiting around.

xx

...and other offending vehicle owners,

Why do you feel the need to not indicate. Why do you feel the need to go 40km/h in a 60km/h zone? Why do you feel the need to park in the middle of the road? Why do you feel the need to not let me in, when it is obvious from my indicator that I need to change lanes? Why do you feel the need to not wave after i slam on my brakes to let you in?

Why do you feel the need to make such a placid, quiet girl scream and swear?

Why do you feel the need to actually be on the road?

Yours faithfully,
Angry Because Of You.

Does flash flooding scare you as much as it scares me?

I was driving to work this morning and it was still raining.

There are puddles everywhere, and driving through them in my little Yaris is quite a feat.

If Brisbane was to flood, I don't know what i'd do.

I've never been in a flood situation before.

I wouldn't know what to expect.

Like, I wouldn't be able to drive to work, and the trains would probably be cancelled too.

I guess that would mean holiday.

But it would also mean no money.

It would mean i'd be freaking out that my apartment block would flood.

It wouldn't though. I'm at the top of a hill. So I think i'm safe in that respect.

But still! It'd be scary.

Would I even be able to pop down to the shops?

WOULD I BE WITHOUT WINE??

Oooh that's a scary thought.

I don't know how Lana dealt when she was flooded in Emerald.

But she somehow managed, so i'm sure I will.

It most likely won't even flood here.

However, Maz was telling me that tomorrow would be heavy rain.

I hope its not too bad.

xx

I've been thinking about the future alot lately.

I don't know what i want to do.

I have some vague ideas, but nothing set in concrete.

I guess i'll just have to deal with working it out as i go along.

I'm getting increasingly bored with my job.

I like it, don't get me wrong.

But it's not challenging enough.

It doesn't give me anything to chew on.

So I've enrolled in TAFE.

Certificate III in Computer Aided Drafting.

It's exciting.

It'll be something more for me to do, other than just sitting here at work, trying to think of things to do.

Mum spoke to my uncle yesterday, who says that his company does cadetships in drafting.

If that's the case, i would be very interested in doing it.

I have no idea what his company does, but that's not the point.

I would just love for something challenging to do.

Right now i just log in jobs, deal with asshole clients and type things up for my boss.

I don't know if this cadetship thing will end up going anywhere, but i'm definitely going for the TAFE course, which is exciting in its own right.

I'll have to see how it goes.

I should find out by this afternoon.

xx

So I walked into work this morning and set off the alarm because my boss and his wife are still away, and didn't think to tell me. And as Jason doesn't come in on Mondays it is just me. I always find it hard to work when I am alone as I have no motivation. No one is here to give me more work to do, and no one is here for me to show them that I'm working.
I need sugar. Now. But I don't have any. I would go down to the shop but if I have sugar I'll get fat, so I won't.
So we shan't talk about sugar and I shan't want it (I know that didn't make sense. shhh).

Eeek I'm 18 in two weeks! I'm glad. Now I can join ebay. And get a debit (not a credit, credit is baaaad) card. And hopefully move out. Still looking for someone on that front. Sanga has a mate (Alex) who is also looking for someone to move out with, and it'll be in the city which would be hot. I don't think I've met him though. I hope he isn't one of those people that I hate. Because I won't want to live with him if he is, and then I will have to continue looking. Sigh.
Oh, turning 18 also means I can get a tattoo. I've been thinking about it for ages, so don't go getting all responsible parent on me. Aight? I've emailed Wild At Heart Tattoos asking them if they use, or will use vegan inks for me (as I found out most commercial inks use glycerine or bone matter - ewwww), so i'm waiting on a reply. I've decided what I want, and I just need them to draw something up for me. It's going to be on my chest, just above my left boob, and it will be of a heart (a real heart, not a love heart) with some roses around it. I've got the picture in my head but I have no idea how to tell them (and you) what I want.
Anyway it's going to be exciting.
I'm going to try for my P's again tomorrow. A month and a bit later. Lol. I was speaking to Rod Cunningham (my psychologist) and he's given me a few little ideas on how to deal with the stress and anxiety this shit brings on.
I don't know what's going to happen, so there's no point saying "I'm going to fail". Instead I just keep telling myself that "I've been driving well. All I can do is try my best".
Fun fun.

I should get back to work. Or something. :]]

x

With Josh.

We've talked about it heaps; but I can't really tell if he is serious or not.

He'll ask me all the time, "So when are you moving in?". He lives with his friend Cass who I get along with (as far as I can tell), and he has even said stuff to her about it. Like the other day, he said "Hey, when you move in, what are we going to do about dinner and stuff? You know, because you're a vegan? Cass wanted to know.", and I replied with, "I'll cook. Der."

So he's spoken to her about it, but I can't tell if he is serious or not.

But i really want to move out. And since Sanga bailed on me I have no one to move out with.

Oh, btw, i sent Sanga a text the other night saying "Listen, i need to know now if you are serious about moving out or not, because right now, you're fucking me around." And she said, "Yeah, ummm, things at home aren't that bad any more so I won't be moving out."

So that's how that happened.

I think i might have to ask Josh if he is serious; because i really do want to leave home.

It was his birthday yesterday. I hadn't had time after work to get him anything, so I got Sanga to go to the city for me, and get him this hoodie I'd seen. I told her to get a MEDIUM in the girls sizes, and she gets a MEDIUM in the boys (which is like, big), and she got the black one instead of the grey one.

So i was shitting myself (not literally - gross) Tuesday night because i didn't think it would fit him. I tried it on and it was huge, so i had a big ole freak out. So i rang Cass, and she just laughed because i was like "argh, what do i do". So i just gave it to him anyway, and it fits him. Thank shit.

Back to work.

x

Okay, so I went and saw Harry Potter last night with Sange and her dumb-ass boyfriend Daniel. Sanga texted me during the day (we went at night), and said that Daniel really wanted to come; could he? I was like, yeah um, you know i'm not a fan of him. But she kept saying how much he wanted to come, so i agreed. He didn't even look at me when i was saying hi.

He is this stupid, ugly, arrogant 15 year old (Sanga is 18, but she is naive like a 15 year old). I can't stand him. I get the feeling that he is just using Sanga so he can have a girlfriend. And that she has no idea, because he is her first boyfriend (he also de-virginised her; but she can't say i love you to him).

Anyway, we went to the movies. They were fucking around at Replay at Toombul when i got there, and they wouldn't come to the bus stop even though we had to catch the bus to get to Chermside, so i was in a bit of a shit mood by the time i FINALLY met up with them (after i'd gone to get THEM).

So then we caught a bus to Chermside, and i made sure Sanga sat with me (:]]), and Daniel was pretty much ignored for the bus trip. Then we went up to the movies etc.

I was pretty disappointed at Harry Potter. Like, it wasn't as good as the others. Sirius dying wasn't even sad in the movie. How dumb.

I asked Sanga to come to the city tonight, as i have to get presents for Josh and mum. She was like 'I don't know if i will be allowed out, because i've been out all week'. I was like 'err that'd be a tad stupid if that was the case. You are 18 are you not? They don't have that power over you anymore.'

Her parents treat her like she is ten, so therefore she acts like it. It can be quite irritating. I feel like i am too harsh on her sometimes, as i always point things like that out. I know it isn't my place, but she just lets people walk all over her, and i can't stand it.

I think i interfere too much. But i can't help it when she acts like such a child, and she is OLDER than me. It just frustrates me so much.

But i love her to death and she is my best friend.

I'm quite confused about the Josh and Keiran. I'm with Keiran. I know that. But I always seem to drop everything when Josh asks me. I had a dream about him last night. We were on the bus, and I whispered something in his ear, and he turned around and kissed me and said 'i love you, but as friends' and kissed me again. I was like, huh?

It was way weird. But I want it to happen.

Josh will always have a place in my heart. I'll tell you that much.

Oh well, I should go back to work now.

x

I just finished reading Mikayla's latest blog on myspace. It was called "The Truth", and it was about her growing up, and how fucked up her childhood was.

Truth be known, I never knew that stuff about her. I knew her childhood wasn't terrific, and I knew that her mother was a heroin addict, but I didn't know how horrific it all was. I just I just thought it wasn't that bad. I have no idea why I jumped to that conclusion; it was quite selfish of me. I feel like I didn't care about her enough to wonder about her past. I know that isn't the truth; I do care, and I always did, I just didn't think that knowing about her past would make a difference in our friendship.

I'm not sure if it has now that I know about it, but I know that I have to be a better friend. I haven't seen her in a while; partly because going to her house is just too much effort. I know it shouldn't be. After all, I consider her one of my best friends; and that's a big thing for me. So I should make the effort.

I'm going for my P's tomorrow morning, so if I get them I can visit her more often. I know I can drive, but I don't want to get nervous and fuck up. That's what i'm scared of. And everyone is relying on me to get them. If I do, mum won't have to pick Jeremy up; I can take Sanga places; I can see more of my friends; I won't have to catch public transport to work and Josh will have a ride.

It's a tad scary knowing that so much is dependent on you passing a test. I feel like I am back in high school. Except I REALLY have to pass this test. And I want to.

x

I have to go and pick up Jo and Auntie Anne in about, 5 minutes.

Just so you know.

:]]

I hate driving near the airport but it seems that I must.

So, wish me luck, yeah?

x

I was trawling the internet (at work :]]) for vegan sites, and stumbled upon this cute little magazine called Aduki.
It's all about "animal free food and living", and is based in Melbourne (finally something that ISN'T American; not that i have anything against Americans. I can just relate to Australian publications easier.).
What makes it even better is that you can download the PDF off the website, and if you live in Melbourne, you can find it in a whole heap of places in the city.
As i don't live in Melbourne (darn) i downloaded the PDF version.
I haven't got around to reading it yet, but i'm sure it will make a great companion on the bus and train.

I'm going to dinner/coffee tonight with Sanga.
She will be late (as usual), but as we never made any concrete plans for a time, i don't mind too much.
She's recently developed a taste for coffee, which suits me fine as i seem to be addicted to it. :]]
So we'll be off to Starbucks in the city, and then Govinda's for dinner.
I know they have a small range of vegan food there so i'm not too worried about what i'll eat. I always get a tad worried about eating in vegetarian restaurants though.
I know i won't be consuming any MEAT but as they use butter etc., it could cross-contaminate my food.

Ohhh i just realised my shoulders were up around my head. lol. Seems i was a bit tense. ooops.

I am getting increasingly annoyed at Sanga lately.
I'm not sure if it has something to do with her losing her virginity at 18 to a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD, or maybe the fact that she keeps ditching me for him. Or, it could be that she won't start saving (even though she promised she would - but she had to get new shoes! der!) so we could move out together.
I know I have a shit temper, but honestly, wouldn't things like that annoy anyone? No? Shit. :[[

My mum is also getting to me lately. As i am a new vegan (i was previously only vegetarian, for about 6 months or so), mum is having trouble getting used to the idea. She seems to think that i won't commit myself to it, and that i will get sick, because obviously, you need meat to survive. Her girlfriend is also being a bitch to me about it. She never was 100% lovely (i would say about 20%), but now it's gotten worse because she holds the same views as my mum. She's also taken to making jokes about meat (which i REALLY don't find amusing), and making quips about how I don't like vegies so how on earth can i be a vegan?
She doesn't seem to realise that i DO in fact, like vegetables, and that i am NOT 10 years old complaining about the fact that my brother got less vegies than me.
Neither of them seem to think or care about how I feel in all of this. It really does upset me that my own mother doesn't think i am capable of doing this, even though i am 100% devoted.

I have thoughts about vegan things 24/7. It is ALWAYS on my mind.
But whatever, of course they're right; they're adults and i'm still a child.

SR